I fell in love with Pina Coladas very early on. They came inside a pineapple, with bendy straws and pretty accompaniments like mini parasol umbrellas and carved fruit. Very exotic and handy for a snack when you've finished drinking. And very fitting for sipping during happy hour at the pool bar - picture postcard perfect. Well almost. They say ignorance is bliss and in this case 'they' are spot on. This was before I knew what pool bars really were. They are simply public toilets in disguise. Don't believe me? Go to a big hotel like the Dynasty for instance & you will notice that the men sit on those underwater bar stools at the pool bar all day. Drinking alcohol all day. Not moving all day. This is a hotel pool bar that serves cocktails in a small bucket with a ladle. Need I say more? Ew. So I do not swim in pools that have pool bars. There is not enough chlorine in the world that would make it clean enough for me! I have crossed pool bars off my lists of essentials when looking for suitable Bali accommodation.
During my last trip I took a fancy to Cosmic Coladas, made with Bali Moon Pineapple and Coconut liqueurs. They were delicious. So much so that I bought a bottle of each liqueur to recreate the cocktail at home. Well, that was the plan...
I could not get the top off the coconut liqueur bottle for love or money. It was one of those metal screw tops with the serrated ring which is supposed to separate and stay around the neck of the bottle when the lid is unscrewed for the first time. Ha! It just kept going around and around with no separation whatsoever. I tried separating the lid with a knife, with the risk of amputating a finger - no go. I tried holding the bottom of the lid with my orange Tupperware square for opening bottles (you know the one - they are only available at Tupperware parties as a gift for winning a game and one of the only reasons to go to a Tupperware party in the first place) with no luck. I have mis-shapened the lid enough to allow coconut liqueur to dribble down my fingers even with the lid still on. I finally resorted to a pair of artery forceps (yes, used in surgery for clamping blood vessels, but a must for all nurses for their box of tricks as they are very handy for dismantling IV drip paraphernalia and anything else that needs unscrewing.) Well it seems that artery forceps are also a must for opening dodgy bottle tops, as I was able to loosen a serrated bit and then use that to pull off the rest. I was finally able to open the bottle, but there is now no thread left inside the cap, so it no longer seals the bottle. Great.
Downloaded the recipe from Bali Moon's website. So I have all my ingredients to make my Cosmic Colada. Does Bacardi go off? I'm thinking I haven't used it for at least 10 years, even longer. Is it supposed to smell like metho? I'm not much of a spirits drinker - my meagre bar is a cramped corner of the pots and pans cupboard in the kitchen. I can't remember the last time I got a bottle out from there. I don't know what Bacardi is supposed to smell like. Does rum get better with age, like whiskey? Oh well, I'll put it in and hope for the best. I don't have a jigger to measure the ingredients so I am using a plastic cough medicine thingo. Oh damn, there's 10mls of orange juice in the recipe & I don't have any. I'll improvise and add an extra 10mls of pineapple juice. Ingredients all gathered together with some ice and into my Tupperware quick shaker (ok, I had to buy something at the Tupperware party, like you do). I'm so looking forward to this cocktail. It is humid outside - an unseasonal 32 degrees Celcius, muggy and a thunderstorm is about to roll in - almost Bali weather.
Shake-a-shake. The recipe says to shake for 5 seconds. I'm a wild thing and shake for 10. Hmm, looks slightly curdled. Does an extra 5 seconds make that much difference? I'm not drinking that. It still has a metho smell about it. Down the sink it goes. I remake the cocktail minus the Bacardi. I don't have a tall collins glass to pour it in. A beer glass will have to do. Funny, I don't drink beer yet I have glasses for beer. My new concoction does not smell like metho. Smells coconutty. Yummy. I'm hoping using lite coconut milk won't make too much of a difference. No, it doesn't. The difference is that I'm not in Bali using their deliciously fresh juicy pineapple juice. Golden Circle just isn't cutting it. It doesn't taste the same. So disappointed that my attempt to recreate Bali at home failed miserably. I'd drink to my sorrows, but that's how I got in trouble in the first place!
I have other failed Bali recreations. One year I brought home a temple umbrella (minus the long stick) that I bought at the Sukawati market. It only just fit diagonally into my suitcase. Why can something look so cool the day I buy it, then look cheap and pathetic when I get it home? It now resides in my box of Bali rejects on the top shelf of the wardrobe - along with clothes so bright they could blind you after one viewing and I would not be caught dead in them, a hideous oil painting of Tanah Lot at sunset, a misshapen No Jig-a-jig singlet top and a few other sorry and/or embarrassing items bought on impulse. I'm a rotten shopper.
So I shall stick to my tried and true drink now. A lovely ice cold sav-blanc from Marlborough, New Zealand. Yum.
